(i'm not ready to share my messy thoughts with the world yet

although the deepest part of my mind really wants to)


here is...
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vinesofthoughts
...to you, especially, or anyone (who is listening to my heart's deepest yearning)

Can I hope to find someone who already likes me but is willing to wait for me because I'm not ready yet?

endgame
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vinesofthoughts
I don't have marriage yet in my mind, so if I do get in a relationship right now, what's my endgame gonna be?

bonfire
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vinesofthoughts

Breezy evening at the beach accompanied by a magnificent suset that wouldn't do justice in a photograph. Memorable, albeit the cold, night spent by the bonfire with great people (and you). Playing games and laughing till my face is numb. 
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first week of college
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vinesofthoughts
The first week of any schools, college or universities are always relaxing. Introductions, syllabus enquiries, no assignments yet and everyone still in the summer mood --it's like the early phase of hiking, where you're still walking on flat ground, everything going smoothly. Nonetheless, I officially survived the first week of my second year of college *insert peace emoji*. Now, it'll be 15 more weeks to go till the winter break *heavy sigh*.

P.S. Strangely, I've been sleeping early and had no trouble waking up for class this week. I hope it'll become a routine until I graduate (I can only dream, but nothing is impossible).

sleepless
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I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted (sore body and drained mind) from hiking and diving into Hermit Falls because I was still high on the remaining adrenaline rush (and you, embarrassingly).

feeling a jolt of inspiration
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Watching "Hector & The Search of Happiness" inspires me to travel more (read: to achieve what makes me happy). There are many more things that I want to achieve before I die; I hope and pray that I can go through it all one by one.
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not ready
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vinesofthoughts
I'm not entirely ready yet to go back to California --not even halfway ready yet, tbh. Because then, I'd have to face the harsh reality of studies and being far away from my beloved family&friends. The saddest thing is I've been here more than a month but I couldn't even meet my best friends because they're all far away and busy *insert crying bloody tears emoji*. The first day I stepped foot in my hometown, 20 august seems like eons ago, but now it's just a couple of days away. Everything is happening unbelievably quick when reality is starting to catch up to you. I hope I'll have enough strength to fend off the extreme homesickness later.

one hundred names
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vinesofthoughts

"...to seek the truth is not necessarily to go on a mission all guns blazing in order to reveal a lie, neither is it to be particularly ground-breaking --it is simply to get to the heart of what is real."

I would have dubbed this novel as inspiring, if it wasn't for the romance. The unique story of each individual that Kitty interviewed, even though she didn't manage at least 10 people, was already inspiring, so I was a bit disappointed to learn that in the end, romance was still involved. Sure, love is ineveitable, but an inspiring story can stand on its own and doesn't need any help from romance. Aside from that, the title is very misleading, although it was later explained that all the 100 names were to be featured in the magazine. I was expecting Kitty to meet with each single person from the list of 100 hundred names.
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crazy love
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vinesofthoughts
I'm going to rewatch TVXQ's old performances and yunjae's adorable moments over and over and over and over again, until that fiery passion dies down and when it's completely gone, I'll be ignoring them for a while like I've never heard of their existence before in my life. The supposedly gone passion will somehow revives itself and builds up slowly like a wave until it has more than enough momentum and finally it will crash down hard into my very being like a tsunami. Said steps are repeated until all five of them are publicly seen together or openly announce that they're still communicating, even though I know well it is impossible.
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guilty pleasure
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vinesofthoughts
I started reminiscing TVXQ and yunjae's glorious moments last night and now there's an empty feeling in my heart. I feel like there's a symmetrical gaping hole at the centre of my heart that will never be completely filled just by rewatching their i'll-never-get-tired-of-it variety shows, acapellas, live performances and rereading fluffy/angsty/bittersweet fanfics.

In less than a week, this ritual mourning will be gone and I won't even look back on them, but once in a while, the depression wave will crashed into me again, leaving a crater on my heart. I'm stuck in a perpetual addicitve loophole that fills me with such passion for people I've never met and will never meet, but at the same time it's eating away my positive vibe. I hate it but i love it. The only thing that will fix me permanently is seeing the five of them reunited in whatever ways.

I miss TVXQ and yunjae so effing much :(
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